It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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