I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
