I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
