you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
