He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I party with great urgency now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
