There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
