U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
