The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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