It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
