wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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