I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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