I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
