she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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