I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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