You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
