I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
