Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
