WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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