tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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