Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
