i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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