***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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