I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
