it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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