if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
