Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
