I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
