So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
