"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
