i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need water and some morals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
