The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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