i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
