I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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