is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
