I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
