I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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