peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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