i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
