I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
