i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
