The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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