I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
