We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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