sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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