You can't motorboat a personality
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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