Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was born a porn star she said
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
