So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
