Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
