He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
