this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
