I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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