At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
