Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize