i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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