Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
