i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
