just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
