well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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