So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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