I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
