Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
